Road Trip

Before posting my first post for this blog, I was looking for a background that was appropriate.   I saw one background that was pretty cool and it had a compass, not necessarily any meaning to it or I can just come up with one with about searching or being guided but then I found this one that had an open wide road with a van on the road and when I saw that I was it was like a light bulb turned on! A road trip! A road trip is exciting because you are exploring places you have never been and with pit stops you may meet interesting people. It also can be exhausting because you been driving/sitting in a car for so long and you just want to get to your final destination already! 

Well, that's how I feel on this 13 year (and counting) journey of being single. I have been to places I have never been before and I have certainly met some interesting people along the way, I am just waiting to get to that final destination of settling with one that God has for me.

It has been 13 years and 5 months since I have been single.  I am 31 years old and I have not been in a relationship since my senior year in high school. Can you believe that? I am too awesome not to be someone's greater half but here I am, blogging about my singleness. At a point I thought something was wrong with me and why I could have been overlooked for so long. Well, there have been men who showed their interest but they were just getting out of a relationship/marriage, wasn't quite interested in a relationship or something missing all together with them and so I couldn't go forward with those.

Before I became single, I was with my EX for two years.  We met when I was 15 years old at a youth ski retreat: both of our churches went together. On the trip, we dialogue and eventually exchanged numbers. After the trip and three days later he asked to be his girlfriend and I accepted. My mom didn't care too much of him but I was in "love". Two weeks before my senior prom, I broke up with him because I "fell out of love" with him.  He never treated me wrong, it was my feelings that deterred me away from him.  I can't remember specifics because it was so long ago. Days after the break up, he asked me to give it a try and so I did and after a few days later I told him it couldn't work out because I still felt the same way. After that, I got in the car and started to ride on the road of singleness.  

This road that I have been on has been bumpy, smooth and sharp turns that I almost fell off the cliff but because I serve a God who cares about ALL OF ME, IN SPITE OF, has covered me in ways that you wouldn't know unless I had told you:  Heartbreaks, one-night stands, multiple stands and a pregnancy scare, I have endure this road trip. Just to feel wanted and looked at beyond "That cute goofy girl that makes me laugh" and, I wanted to "feel good" as well. But now looking at all those "Situationships" that I was in... By the Way according to google a situationship is basically a pseudo-relationship. A placebo masking itself as a formative relationship. It smells like a relationship, it sorta looks like a relationship, and it may even feel like one, but it's not. 

 But going back to what I was saying, looking at all those situationships that I was in, made me realize that I wasn't trusting in God enough (or at all) to be all that I would look for in a man.  What do I want in a man? I want him to make me laugh, provide for me, protect me, LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM, Flaws and All and guess who does that for me now and have always done for me? GOD! He definitely makes me laugh, especially when he protects me from situations I am not even suppose to be in! Also, He is my Jehovah Jireh (Genesis 22:14), my provider, He is my Jehovah Nissi (Exodus 17:15), The Lord who Fights and Wins my battles, and of course He loves me for ALL of me (John 3:16-17). He let his Son become the sacrificial Lamb for ME! THAT'S LOVE! For someone to die for YOU in spite of your faults and shortcomings.

 Man....That's what I want in a man and God has all that: When I am feeling lonely, He comforts me with his still voice and his Word. When I am driving long distance, I would turn off the radio just to speak to him and/or listen to Him. But daily I am making a conscious decision to spend time with my 1st Love, my Husband (because I am the Bride/Church) , My Homie, My Savior, My friend, Jesus :-D. 

Let me tell you! and I am sure that if some other Christian Single Women (especially if they honest with themselves) the STRUGGLE IS REAL: Sex before marriage is hard especially if you already had a taste of it and the whole settling thing....we want to be with the one that God has for us but we want to be cuddled up, have long conversations with, that attention from a man so sometimes we settle and we let those feelings loose focus on who can do that for us....GOD. 

I was told it is another ball game once you get married and Lord, I am being patient to make sure JEANINE LEAH HILL is getting life together. I know that I won't be perfect, who will and who is? But my mind, my mind will be in the right place to become someone's wife. This road trip though...

 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.  Philippians 3:14(NLT)

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