Roller Coaster

                                              

"So why is it so exciting to be so scared?

Like feeling your heart roam through your body only to find its place in your hands

But you can't wait to get back in line

You gotta get on one more time

Can't wait to tell your friends about the drop, and how it looks from the very top

You see, rollercoasters, roller coasters are for people who have never been in love They want to know how it feels to just fall"

The lyrics above are from my new favorite band Tank and the Bangas' song "Rollercoasters". When I heard Rollercoasters for the very first time, I felt like I was singing it. Like, this is the story of my love life. 

BEST PLACE EVER!!!

I haven't been on a real roller coaster in years! I might have been in my 20s since I have been on one. I went on this mini roller coaster with a couple of my Sorority Sisters in Daytona but that didn't count. The last roller coasters I have been on was in Virginia at Kings Dominion Amusement Park.  

Most of the rides I have been on; like the Rebel yell, the anaconda, the volcano, the shock wave and the list goes on and on. When I am anticipating the ride, I laugh extremely loud until its time to scream and after that first drop, you can hear me on the top of my lungs, laughing and screaming at the same time!

Poor Baby

Now I am 32 and I know that I am not old at all but I am older and to think of getting on a roller coaster now excites me and scares me at the same time and that is just like being in love and pursuing a relationship; it excites me to find love and yet at the same time, it scares me! 

I have been in a few scary moments where I thought that the friendship was going to be more. I would literally have a mini panic attack because in my mind I am thinking, "is this the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with?" "What if I don't like him no more?" "What if I was just another stepping stone to the person he is supposed to be with?" "What if it was just temporary?" All of these "What Ifs" and not enjoying the moment.

But cut me some slack, 14 1/2 years is a long time to fly solo. I actually would think that there would be no one for me because of the way of the dating world is these days but I honestly don't think that.  

I am actually optimistic about my future love life because God gives us the desires of hearts IF we take delight in Him (Psalm 37:4). Taking delight in God is building your relationship with Him. Taking delight in His Word, studying it and applying it to our lives. God is in love with us with His unconditionally love and he wants our love, our worship and He wants us to be content in Him. 

God isn't a stingy God; He sees what's in our hearts and He actually gives those desires to us because He has purposed us during this time we are here in this life.  So that desire/purpose is to be married or building a non-profit in an urban area, whatever that desire or purpose is, we first become at peace in God and then He will give us the desires of our hearts. 

A while ago, I thought of opening myself to someone again is scary, but trusting in God that the wait is certainly worth it, I can get on again with confidence that I don't need to be afraid anymore, I can just ride.