The NOT Stepford Single

For the past few months I haven't written about  anything because I haven't had anything that I felt that was worthy of writing.  I would usually get something from God but I think when life happens, then as a blogger I should write it down.  For the past few months, I haven't been where I would want to be or should be; financially, physically, holy, etc.  I wish there was a reset button but hey, this is life! You want your life to go a certain way, you want to be a certain image, you want to have a certain status but life happens, and you get the lessons.

The Christian couples that I see on YouTube and other social medias that I look up to, I wanted to be like them; I want to be like Heather and Cornelius Lindsey be in a relationship and not kiss until I say I DO. I want to be like Natasha and Jamal Miller (Married and Young) where they met on Facebook and they did it God's way without the comprising and lowering standards. Or even the Browns, Ashley (Ashley Empowers) and Carrignton (The Fit Pastor), where they met on IG and even though they messed up, they made a decision to do it God's way and now they are happily married with a beautiful baby girl and doing their thing in the ministry!

I still do want to be like them but I have to remember, I AM NOT THEM. I have my own journey to walk.  My journey consist of me learning about ME and how to live my life as God wants me to live it.  A lot times I feel hypocritical because, I know what God's word said, "My (His) Grace is Sufficient", "God gives us a way of escape", "God has not given us a spirit of Fear...", "I am MORE than a conqueror" and yet I still  fall into the traps of the flesh; whether it be fear, laziness, lust, sex, etc. I have to realize that I am not perfect but I want to be because all eyes are on me.  Well, I feel that all eyes are on me, so I want to paint this pretty picture of me overcoming things in the past and still I fall at times.

I beat myself down because of it.  I want to please God and I want to please people.  Why do I have this unrealistic standard of me pleasing people? I honestly thought I was over that but every time I make a mistake, I take the whip and hit myself, then put a crown of thorns on my head, then beat and spit on myself, then forced myself to drag a old rugged cross to my death and nail myself to that cross to be crucified.  That's how I feel and I put blame on others for my mistakes.  For that, I Repent.

And I'm not the only one. Your struggle may not be mine struggle, but at times, we do this to ourselves and we don't have to because it was already done over 2000 years ago by our Precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.


As Paul asked God THREE TIMES to take this thorn out of my flesh, God said to him, "My Grace is sufficient". God is saying that our struggles (lying, cheating, lustful thoughts, doubting, fearfulness, etc.) may be there but His Grace is enough to help us get through it (Thanks Elder Farrow).  God's unmerited Grace that saved me from my sins, as the song says "He looked beyond my faults and saw my needs".  He saw that I needed a Savior that would intercede on my behalf because he knows my present and future.


The past is behind me. There is no need to punish myself, but to repent and move forward with wisdom.