Broken Road: Dear Future Husband

I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

That every long lost dream lead me to where you are

Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

I first heard this song by a Christian group called SELAH but later found out that this song was originally by Rascal Flatts because of the Hannah Montana Movie (Thanks Miley).   Actually SELAH's version, they are talking about God and Rascal is singing about a lover. I believe naturally and spiritually that this is my life's song.  Even though I have literally been in two OFFICIAL relationships, the journey that started at the end of Spring 2003 to present has shown me plenty of "Northern Stars". 

The "Northern Stars" aka "Dear Guy Friend" are the men that taught me lessons about myself and opened my eyes to the unhealthy cycle that I had with each of them.  I am not mad or bitter because, if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be writing about it today (hehe). 

What's a Northern Star you asked?
Northern Star or The North Star was used before we had maps and the GPS.  Slaves used the North star to find their way to freedom.  The North Star pointed to the direction of Baby Jesus. The North Star was just a guide to get to one's next or final destination. 

Since the inception of this blog (November 1, 2016), I have written 3 letters to those of my past and present and I am finally at a point where I can write a letter to my Husband.  I strongly believe that one day I will be someone's wife; not just because it is an on going trend but a calling.  God called Adam and Eve,  Abraham and Sarah, Issac and Rebekah, Mary and Joseph,  Michelle and Barack, Cheryl  Elaine and Joseph Willis Parker (My parents) and the list goes on and on.  Each couple, though flawed, God ordained these couples to be together. 

*Inhale...Exhale...Inserts Smile*

Dear Future Husband,

I have been waiting for you.  Every time a man came into my life, I thought he was you; Me having daddy issues mixed with a strong desire to be married and to be a wife will do that to a woman. But nonetheless, God has given me the grace to make it this far and I know all of my lessons were not in vain.  I so look forward to getting to know you as a friend and our relationship evolving into a lifetime union where we would be an empire together for our offspring's offspring.  I always imagined us working together as a team with our businesses and just living life as God intended us to live it.  I know there won't be all sunny days but as Johnny Gill said "Can you weather the storm?" I believe that we can. And anyway, with storms, always comes a rainbow. Showing God's promise to us, that He continues to keep His Word.

BUT IN THE MEAN TIME, I will be FINALLY allowing myself to live my life and explore the world as I should have been doing during this time of singleness. Living my life! Pure and Holy and having a ball!  I will be continuing to work on myself holistically and continue to focus on my relationship with our Father. 

Living my Life like its Golden!

About a month ago, I'd broken up with "Dear Guy Friend" because I am tired of snacking on cookies, chips and crackers and gaining unnecessary weight. I want YOU! My full course/healthy balance meal that will nourish me and fill me up physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  

I am excited when God reveals us to each other.  I will continue to pray for you and our union.  I love you!

P.S.  My family is going to love you!

I Love You with all of my heart,

Your Wife

Dear Guy Friend: The Last installment

Dear Guy Friend,

I noticed a pattern and it's not with you, it is with me; I tell you that I want to be friends, JUST FRIENDS but when things boils down, we get into a situation.  Mentally, emotionally and physically we connect and are having a great time but I totally contradict what I say.  You know, so I am not even going to go down the list.  Yes, we have GREAT chemistry and we get along so well, so why can't we just keep it platonic? I'll tell you why, because I do not know how to say NO.  Listen, 14 years of singleness and wanting to stay pure and holy is a hard thing to do...but it's doable.  





I have realized that with you my guy friend, I put you in this category of  a potential husband right away!  So after long conversations and a hangout or two, I am ready to fall in love, settle down and wait for things to pop off ;relationship, engagement, marriage and the baby! I am such a hopeless romantic and I picture what who where why and how and none of those scenarios in my mind are of God's plans.  

Sorry but this is funny

 You are like the Northern star; bright and beautiful but pointing to the direction that leads to where my final destination is. Ouch...that hurts for even me to say that but unfortunately its true. 

  What I should be using is the Lamp to light my path so that I may use wisdom and faith  while on this road.  

I have been a people pleaser and man chaser for too long because I haven't trust God enough to bless me with a partner that he created and design just for me.  I promise you, I am not blaming you in any way, I am blaming my brokenness and my lack of faith.  I know I know, I am human and humans need relationships, they need that bond and connection, however, I know God isn't the author of confusion.   


This is my last letter to you because I have to FINALLY end this unhealthy relationship with you. I like you as a friend. I know and YOU know that is all we are. Don't get me wrong, you are an amazing person and a great friend to have. You talk to me and treat me in such a way that you are my HusBae (rhyming...corny I know). You  have  also taught me a lot about myself; how I am caring, compassionate, sometimes selfish, lacking control , and not holding up to the standards I gave myself.  It's time for me to move pass this part of my life, this cycle I keep putting myself in with you, allowing you to be a fill in before he actually comes around.  It's not fair for the both of us, so  I am letting go and moving forward on this single road of mine.  

I love you 

God bless you

Goodbye. 

BE FREE NEN! ENJOY THE JOURNEY WHILE YOU HAVE TIME

Signed,

A Single Christian Woman who is RECLAIMING HER TIME AND LIFE