Man oh man has it been a while since I've posted a blog (posted recently last week) and tonight, I went through the majority of my 26 posts on my blog and wow...it appears I have put myself on a serious emotional roller coaster. I am 100 and 10 percent sure that I am not the only one, I am just the one who is putting it out on blast. throughout these 15 years of singleness, I've learned at least three things about myself throughout this journey:
#1 EVERY MAN AIN"T YO HUSBAND!!! Good God almighty Jeanine, they are not your husband! Sorry guys but I have to talk to myself because I really do be bugging sometimes. I am a Christian Lady that desires a long time commitment, an entire marriage. I have married friends and marriage is no joke; it is not for the weak and I believe if you are weak minded, as in if you haven't mentally prepared yourself for a LIFETIME commitment with another person, then you shouldn't even consider. I am not saying I am weak minded but from my past and recent experiences, let's just say I need a little more time and I am OKAY with that. I am NOT in a rush to meet someone (not anymore) and married them off. It's not a wise thing to do and I really try not to make this blog longer than what it is so onto #2.
#2 I have to learn to enjoy the moment. Confession time. a few months back, a Gentleman and I were inquiring a relationship but we JUST started to hang out. We did get close real quick and while we were hanging, it felt like we were already in the relationship even though it wasn't official...aka SITUATIONSHIP. He is slightly older and has children. Side Note: I've never said this on the blog but my desire was never to be a step-mother/bonus mom and in a blended family. You would think that would be selfish or slightly impossible because there are a lot of men that have babies. But there are also a lot of men that don't. I know I would be a bomb "Bonus Mom" as Jada Pinkett-Smith would say but my desire is to start my own family and it's NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
But back to my point. I got so excited about the newness of it that I didn't allow myself to see certain crimson flags waving in the air. Please don't think I am bad mouthing dude, I am not, he is a great man and father and the time that we had together was wonderful...until I went away for the summer. hmmm
I also think about this, what if another guy comes along, will I behave the same way? Lawd, I hope not. I refuse to too. From now on, I want to develop healthy relationships with the opposite sex. If we agree to be friends, LETS BE FRIENDS...I am giving this advice to myself!
But yeah! Learning to enjoy the moment. Not forcing the moment; making sure that things flow organically.
and #3 Living my life! For the past few years, there have been setbacks that I had encountered that would prevent me from traveling and exploring new ventures. What I could do I did though: I picked up painting as a hobby, I sing the best that I can at karaoke, I hang out with my girlfriends and have a few drinks (well one or two the most for me) and just try to have a good time without things I can't control worry me. Also, I am such an introvert. I do not mind going to the movies or anywhere else by myself. Believe that!
I am a free bird, I am single as a dollar bill, and I am thankful and grateful that God has allowed me to make it this far! I have goals to accomplish and lives to impact. I am guessing in the mist of all that my best fran will come along. But #DearFutureHusband if you happen to be reading this, I'm getting it together. There is no need to worry because I will be where I am supposed to be, at the right place at the right time.
I still believe in Love...Hopeless romantic
